BHS Blogress Report: 2020, Week 47 – A Natural Desire

Week 47 – A Natural Desire

It’s honestly sort of unreal how much better I’m feeling compared to this time last month. Knowing that every day and week that passes brings me a little bit closer to the end of 45’s reign of terror sort of makes me feel like I can handle almost anything between now and then. My anxiety isn’t gone, but it’s more manageable than it’s been in years. Just two more months, and I’ll have survived it.

Anyway. Today marked the 40th anniversary of the American release of my all-time favorite bad movie, The Apple. See, I love watching and laughing at so-bad-it’s-good movies, and this one was a one often spoken of among aficionados, but rarely seen or mentioned alongside the really infamous ones… the likes of Plan 9 from Outer Space, Heaven’s Gate, or The Room. There’s no massive cult following or beloved audience participation routine for it… or if there is, I’m unaware of it. It was described as bizarrely terrible, but I only decided that I had to see it after I read Nathan Rabin’s description of it in his My World of Flops column: “The peculiar genius of The Apple is that every time it appears the film cannot get any crazier, it ratchets up the weirdness to almost indescribable levels. It belongs to the subset of movies so all-consumingly druggy and surreal that they make audiences feel baked out of their minds even when they’re sober. The Apple is both the perfect mind fuck to see while high and a movie that makes drugs seem redundant and unnecessary.”

So one fateful night in the fall of 2013, I convinced my best friend VDrake to take the plunge with me as I watched it for the first time… and even reading about it for years beforehand was not enough to prepare me for it. I was repeating “Oh my god” over and over within the first five minutes… and I kept repeating it throughout the film, in between fits of hysterical laughter. Drake and I both knew almost from the moment we finished it that we had seen something wonderfully unique and special and absolutely bonkers, and that we had to share it with more people.

And so I did. I felt it was a grave injustice that more people didn’t know about this movie, so I introduced it to as many people as I could. On April 1st, 2018, I hosting a live MSTing of it for my friends and YouTube followers, an event I christened “Apple Fools Day”. When I got my own Discord server, I decided to prank the server members by showing the movie or clips of it at unexpected times… my version of Paul Rudd’s wonderful Mac and Me gag that he’s been pulling on Conan O’Brien for nearly two decades. For most of the past year, I’ve even worked many of those clips into my Twitch streams, bound to hotkeys. Hell, one of my server rules is now “Everyone on the server must watch The Apple. No exceptions.” Every time a new person joins, there’s initial confusion as to why we all speak of The Apple in hushed tones… and every time these new people see it for themselves, they quickly understand why. We may not have the numbers of the cult followings for Rocky Horror or The Room, but we’re making progress all the same.

It’s not just The Apple’s bugfuck insanity that makes it my favorite bad movie… though that’s a big part of it. In a weird way, because it’s so obscure, it feels like my bad movie. Keeping it small and enjoying it with my friends feels more personal, more meaningful than, say, enjoying The Room with a theater full of rabid fans… though having done that, it is a ton of fun. It’s something I never get tired of introducing to new people, and something I always find hilarious no matter how many times I watch it. Every time I find something new, some interesting little tidbit or background detail or weird line read to crack up over. In this year, which has been so miserable for so many, I’m more grateful than ever for those laughs.

The Apple is a bad film, there’s no question of that. The plot is nonsense, the musical numbers are middling to awful, the costumes are cringe-inducing, the acting is laughable. It opened in the US 40 years ago today and failed spectacularly, sinking with nary trace, and is largely only remembered by weirdos like me. But it’s brought me over seven years of joy and laughter, and I’ll treasure it forever because of that. Happy anniversary, you magnificently weird trainwreck of a film. Here’s to you. Hey, hey, hey!

-BHS

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BHS Blogress Report: 2020, Week 45 – Breathing Easier

Week 45 – Breathing Easier

We did it.

Just shy of four years ago exactly, I had one of the worst days of my life. I got low… so low that I couldn’t see any reasons to go on. I owe the fact that I’m still here to my best friend, VDrake, who pulled me from my darkness… and also to the tireless efforts of my family, my therapist, and my other dear friends.

The last five years have been an ordeal for me, for reasons both political and not. The last two in particular have seemed at times like an endless string of one disaster after another after another, with no relief in sight. And while I’m not foolish enough to fall into the trap of thinking, “Oh, everything’s instantly gonna be fixed now!”… for the first time in a long time, I’m not deathly afraid for my future, and that counts for a lot. Some of the weight has at last been lifted.

Of course it’s not going to be better right away. We still need to survive until January, for one thing. After that is going to be a long, hard rebuilding process… which will hopefully include prosecution for 45 and all who enabled his reign of terror, though I won’t hold my breath. Of course I’d rather it was Warren, or Sanders, or even Yang. Of course President Biden’s going to be flawed, probably very flawed, and he almost definitely won’t be the progressive champion that we’re hurting for. He’ll screw up, he’ll put his foot in his mouth, he may have a scandal or two or several… he may be seen as “boring” after the last quarter century and change of extraordinary political figures both famous and infamous.

But you know what? After all this time living on the edge of the abyss, all this time spent terrified that we’re days or hours away from complete collapse… I’ll take boring over sociopathic fascist cult leader any day. At long last, fingers crossed, there’s a light ahead.

As I said four years ago: we got this.

We got this.

-BHS

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BHS Blogress Report: 2020, October – Tired, Tired, Tired

October 2020: Tired, Tired, Tired

I’ve been bashing my head against it (not literally… for the most part) all month long, but Chapter 49 of Shattered Skies: The Morning Lights is finally, finally done.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/2449097/chapters/66715915

Not much to say other than that… my petsitting business picked up again, which is nice.

I’m effing wiped out right now. 2020 being 2020 has left me totally exhausted. Depending on what happens next week, I may just take the rest of the year off from doing Blogress Reports, since it’s very unlikely that anything will change for the better before January, even in the best of circumstances.

I’ll try to keep you guys posted.

-BHS

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BHS Blogress Report: 2020, Week 39 – FFS

Week 39 – FFS

For what it’s worth, I try to be good to people whenever I can. I try to see the best in people and treat them with respect. When it’s someone I know well and they’re acting badly, I try to give them the benefit of the doubt and understand the reasons for their behavior. In that case, I’ll do my level best to attempt to help them and to solve the problem.

I’m not perfect, because nobody is, but I try my hardest to be decent, and I seldom hold onto grudges.

Unfortunately, the same can’t be said of some of the people who know me.

Normally I loathe to vagueblog or do callout posts, but in this case, I think it’s warranted.

There’s a certain person online whom I used to interact with, primarily through DA. At one point in time, this person and I were able to talk to each other in a civil manner. Then this person got into an argument with me over one particular subject, and refused to let it go. It wasn’t a life-or-death subject, either… no, this was something as simple as a difference of opinion about classifications of genre fiction. And yet our back-and-forth went on… and on… and on.

At least half a dozen times, I told them that we were going in circles, repeating the same points ad nauseam and getting nowhere, but they wouldn’t listen. I did my best to remain calm, even as they grew more and more and more heated. I told them nicely that I wasn’t interested in debating the issue anymore, but they kept bringing it up over and over, leaving multi-paragraph rants on my public pages even after I asked them to stop.

I want to make it clear that this went on for well over a year, probably close to two years, and yet I resisted the temptation to get angry with them. I feel that I exhausted every possible method of resolving the situation peacefully… and yet every month or so, this person would come back to try to stoke the fire again.

Eventually, I found out that this person had been saying things about me in various places, things that were both untrue and extremely unkind. I went to them in private and politely told them that if they didn’t stop, I would have to ban them from my page. In response, they insulted me and attempted once again to instigate the argument… and so I banned them.

This was two years ago. I’ve had no contact with them since.

Recently, three separate people, all independent of each other, have informed me that this person is still badmouthing me, and still apparently ranting to anyone who will listen about how I and others have done them wrong. Normally, I don’t think too much of what’s said about me online… I figure my audience is small enough that not many people pay enough attention to me to have beef with me. But if said beef is widespread enough that all these people are warning me about it, something’s got to be done.

My friend, you’re probably not going to read this, but: this needs to stop. Now, if not sooner. I don’t hate you, I’m not angry with you, and I don’t want revenge against you, but if what I’ve heard about what you’re saying is accurate, you’re telling lies that are doing damage to my reputation. My online presence is pretty much the only presence I have left in the world, and I haven’t built myself up from nothing over twenty years just to have people like you tear me down over a pointless argument that’s gone on too long.

If people are going to hate me, I want them to hate me for legitimate reasons: things I actually say and actually do and actually believe, not made-up bullshit. Let them judge me on truth, not secondhand vitriol.

I don’t want to do this. Believe me, I’d be happier if I could just turn the other cheek and ignore it. However, I’m convinced that I need to attempt to take control of the situation before it gets even uglier. Three-plus years is quite long enough.

-BHS

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BHS Blogress Report: 2020, August – Same Old Story

August – Same Old Story

I can’t help feeling as if I’ve made very little progress in my life since my last birthday. I should really give myself a little slack, since the past 22 months have been some of the most difficult of my life, but at some point I just wonder if I’m only making excuses for myself. At what point does it stop being “things are rough for you right now” and start being “you’re not really trying”?

Sigh. I dunno. Last year around this time, I started making serious efforts to think about my future and work on having a backup plan to support myself. I tried my hardest, but nothing came of it, and I can’t see those efforts as anything but failures. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life now, other than doing everything I can to get through the rest of the year.

Self-indulgence has helped. I celebrated my birthday in part by doing as much stuff just for me as I could… eating junk food, rewatching some of my favorite comedies with my friends, those sorts of things. And now that my birthday has come and gone… well, I hope to finally get back to my writing and photography projects, at least. Only time will tell how I actually do with that.

-BHS

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BHS Blogress Report: 2020, July – What’s There to Say?

July 2020 – What’s There to Say?

So yeah, I fell behind on my Blogress Reports. I fell behind by a lot. But to be brutally honest, part of the reason for that is that nothing of note has been happening to me in the past month… at least, nothing of note that I felt like discussing publicly. I’m still stuck at home due to quarantine. I haven’t gotten any writing done since finishing my last chapter of Skies. The only ongoing anime I’m keeping up with is Precure, and even on that I’m several weeks behind. Recent events in the real world are too depressing to think about, let alone write about. So there’s not much left, really.

I did watch all of My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom!, which was a fantastic source of laughs and good cheer at a time when both of those are desperately needed. Somehow it combined two of my least favorite anime genres (harem and isekai) into something irresistibly charming, consistently hilarious, and surprisingly touching.

I got a new camera to replace my aging Olympus SH-2, so there’s that. Once I get an issue with my lighting equipment resolved on Sunday, I’m going to try taking some test shots with it. Maybe that will be what I need to kick my brain back into gear.

– BHS

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BHS Blogress Report: 2020, Week 26 – Healin’ Good Again

Week 26 – Healin’ Good Again

We Precure fans are having, one might say, a bomb-ass week.

Several weeks ago, official word came out that Healin’ Good would come back from its COVID-induced hiatus this weekend. Reason enough to celebrate, after ten weeks off the air… but then a few days ago, the unbelievable, nay, impossible was announced.

https://www.crunchyroll.com/healin-good-pretty-cure

Precure. Simulcasting and streaming legally, subbed and unedited, on a major English-language platform, for the first time ever. To say that the fandom went nuts is an understatement.

So shout-out to all the devoted fans who have been screaming at Crunchyroll for years to pick up the license, because you finally did it. I of course am 1000% in favor of this development, and not only have I re-upped my CR subscription in preparation, but I’m planning on rewatching the whole series on there once the episodes are up, just so Toei can see those viewing metrics… I encourage anyone else reading this to do the same if you can. Anything to ensure that this experiment is a success and isn’t a one-off thing. Just the possibility of being able to watch Heartcatch, Go! Princess, or Hugtto again through legal means gives me shivers.

Yeah, I’m in a happy place this week. And I’m gonna try to capitalize on that to get a head start on Chapter 49 of Shattered Skies… I did have to cut the rest of the fight in 48 due to length, after all. Wish me luck.

– BHS

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BHS Blogress Report: 2020, Week 25 – Unnecessary Headaches

Week 25 – Unnecessary Headaches

I was afraid this would happen. The following primarily applies to my DeviantArt readers, and I regret to inform you that it’s not good news.

As with most things, I tried to give DA Eclipse the benefit of the doubt. Sure, it’s ugly, buggy, and a needless “upgrade” to a system that worked reasonably well most of the time, but after a couple weeks using it, I got the hang of it well enough.

Then came this week, when I tried to submit the new chapter of Shattered Skies.

I’m sorry to say that Eclipse’s literature submission system is nigh-unworkable. Not only are there barely any options to format text, not only does it not save drafts, not only is there no cover art or text search function anymore, but it doesn’t even recognize friggin’ HTML coding. Not even the basic stuff. And when I tried copying and pasting already formatted text into it, I got this mess:

No line breaks and no indents. As far as I know, there isn’t even an option to center text.

This is quite simply unacceptable, and I’ve sent a strongly worded note to DA informing them of such. DA being DA, I don’t expect it will ever see the light of day, but.

Since the vast majority of what I post on DA is literature, and going back and trying to manually insert every line break where it’s needed is a massive headache waiting to happen, I don’t see many other options here. I’m going to have to submit files that are blank save for the URLs for new chapters. I hate to have to resort to this, but I can’t simply stop posting here and I can’t leave DA altogether, so until the submission system gets fixed (don’t hold your breath), this is how it’s got to be.

In any case. Shattered Skies Chapter 48 is up, I’ll have the file with the links posted soon. Please try to bear with me.

– BHS

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BHS Blogress Report: 2020, Weeks 23 and 24 – Pride

Weeks 23 and 24 – Pride

All I have to say for this one is that after the events of this week, I hope you’ll consider supporting the LGBTQIA+ community however you can. I’m running a donation drive for The Trevor Project, a non-profit organization providing much-needed counseling and help to LGBTQIA+ kids who need it. The link is below.

http://tinyurl.com/bhstrevor

– BHS

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BHS Blogress Report: 2020, Week 22 – I Have Nothing to Say

Week 22 – I Have Nothing to Say

If you’re paying attention, you know what’s going on. When things like this happen, there’s a temptation for everyone to jump online or in front of a camera to give their opinions on the situation.

You won’t see anything like that from me. Not because I don’t care, but because I recognize that it’s not my place to say anything. I’ll keep watching and keep supporting, but I’ll leave the words to those who need to be heard more than I do.

Below, you’ll find some links to charitable causes supporting the protesters. Please share them, and donate if you can.

Black Visions Collective secure.everyaction.com/4omQDAR0oUiUag

Reclaim The Block secure.everyaction.com/zae4prEeKESHBy

North Star Health Collective northstarhealthcollective.org/donate

Louisville Bail Fund actionnetwork.org/fundraising/lo

 

– BHS

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BHS Blogress Report: 2020, Weeks 20 and 21 – Yup, Still Here

Weeks 20 and 21 – Yup, Still Here

So as of this week, DeviantArt has switched over to Eclipse. I didn’t fool around much with it while it was still optional. Now that it’s mandatory… well, it’s still pretty bad, but not the utter disaster I feared it would be. We’ll see how it goes whenever I post my next chapter… which shouldn’t be too much longer, I hope. Maybe they finally got rid of that archaic 64 KB text limit, though I’m not getting my hopes up.

Work on Chapter 48 of Shattered Skies is progressing slowly but surely. I’m on page 13 now, and I’m hoping that the forthcoming fight scene won’t be an ordeal to write like the last one in Chapter 45 was. I’m throwing in something fun that long-time readers may recognize, so that’s worth looking forward to.

Other than that, I really have no idea what else to write here, so. Stay safe, everyone.

– BHS

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BHS Blogress Report: 2020, Week 19 – Damn Right I’m Angry

Week 19 – Damn Right I’m Angry

A few years ago, after the fraudulent election that gave us the Orange Menace, I decided to cut politics out of my life. Of course I would still vote, and of course I would still care about the issues, but I would no longer engage with what had become an almost entirely corrupt system. For the most part, I’ve been far happier since then, and I don’t regret my choice.

This current situation, however, has gone beyond politics. You know that old phrase “If you’re not angry, you’re not paying attention”? That’s me.

My generation has already been crippled by 9/11 and its fallout, a completely unnecessary war, skyrocketing student loan debt, a financial recession (and a depression probably soon to follow), rampant and blatant corruption, two stolen elections and the two worst “Presidents” of all time… and now this. Two thousand Americans dying every day, from a crisis that easily could have been averted. Trump and the other scum like him have ruined most of the last twenty years with barely any consequences, and now they’re getting away with this. It makes me want to scream.

I try not to be judgmental. I try to let people believe what they want to believe. But when I see people, even members of my own extended family, trying to defend the horrific actions of human cockroaches who couldn’t give two shits about anyone that isn’t them… damn right I get angry. Everyone with any sense should get angry.

But part of the problem is, getting angry solves nothing anymore. The rich and powerful have insulated themselves against pretty much anything we can do… they arrest the protesters or ignore them altogether, they dodge jail time by buying their way out or rewriting the laws to suit their ends, they rig the elections, they control the media. Oh sure, every once in a while once of them slips up and gets caught… but there’s always another one waiting in the wings to replace them. We’re less than nothing to them now, and they’ve had decades of time to break the system so that they don’t have to answer to anyone.

I’ve had to come to grips with the fact that I am mostly irrelevant to the world at large, and will likely remain so. I’m so disabled that I’ll never have a “real” job. I don’t have money. I can’t travel, so I’ll never leave home. I’ll never have a romantic partner or a family of my own. The one thing that I can still do is rage against the dying of the light, casting my words and my feelings out into the void for as long as I can. You’re damn right I’m going to keep sharing anti-Trump content on my Facebook for as long as this madness lasts, and I don’t care who sees it. I may be a shut-in, I may be physically and emotionally damaged, but I can still be loud. No one’s taking that from me.

– BHS

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BHS Blogress Report: 2020, Weeks 17 and 18 – DA is My Home

Weeks 17 and 18 – DA is My Home

Whoo boy. People do not like DeviantArt Eclipse, and they especially don’t like that they’ll be forced to use it come the 20th. To be fair, these people have every right to be upset… Eclipse is ugly, it’s counterintuitive to use, it’s missing features, and apparently it’s full of bugs, too. There’s at least one protest movement going on right now to try to convince DA’s higher-ups to change their minds about retiring the old system, and I’ve seen more than a few of the artists that I watch swearing that they’re moving to other sites.

While I certainly don’t like Eclipse, and I don’t fault everybody who wants to protest or leave, it’s certainly not the first bad redesign in the site’s history. Nor will it be the last, I’m sure. For better or worse, I think I’m staying. DA has its flaws, and the shortcomings of Eclipse are among them, but my page has been my little corner of the Internet for sixteen years now. Hell, my entire life here in Roanoke, the vast majority of my adulthood, has been recorded on there.

Even apart from how long I’ve been using it, I feel like I belong on DA. I’ve tried Facebook and I’ve tried Twitter and I’ve tried Pillowfort, and all of them have their good points but none of them are for me. None of them feel as comfortable as DA has. The only other place online where I’ve ever truly felt like a part of the community is Tumblr… and of course, we know how that ended up. DA is home to no end of weirdos, misfits, outcasts, and rejects… and for someone who’s never felt particularly comfortable fitting in with the “normal” people, it’s been a haven. I found many enduring friends through it, including my best friend.

So yeah, by all means, keep doing your protests. DA has problems that need to be addressed, and I truly hope they will be… but Eclipse isn’t a dealbreaker for me yet. Let’s just see how it goes.

– BHS

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BHS Blogress Report: 2020, Weeks 15 and 16 – Cartoony

Weeks 15 and 16 – Cartoony

Not much going on the past two weeks, so let’s talk about cartoons!

One of the many reasons I watch anime is because I get so much out of it: great characters, amazing fight scenes, sophisticated storytelling, cute and appealing character designs… and occasionally, something deep and meaningful.

And sometimes, I watch anime to get nothing more than goofy faces, absurd comedy, and slapstick violence.

This season sees the return of Dropkick on my Devil! / Jashin-chan Dropkick!, a shining example of the above. I’ve been rewatching the first season in between new episodes, and I’ve found a renewed appreciation for what kind of show it is. It’s not meant to tell a great story. It’s not meant to be deep or profound. The show exists to be funny, pure and simple. And while I acknowledge that its humor isn’t for everyone, the concept of what’s basically a Wile E. Coyote vs. Roadrunner cartoon, only with anime girls and way more brutal violence, is my jam.

Dropkick is a cartoony anime, one where everything is in service of the jokes. The characters’ personalities are exaggerated archetypes. Their faces and bodies squash and stretch and deform like silly putty. What little plot there is is subject to be derailed at a moment’s notice. The characters shatter the fourth wall with impunity. Is it high art? Hell no, but there’s an art to it. This is an old-fashioned kind of humor that sadly doesn’t see much play anymore… I made the Roadrunner comparison up there, but this show really does remind me of classic Looney Tunes: it’s wild, it’s anarchic, and it gives no shits about being anything other than a laugh riot. There’s something quite refreshing about that, especially these days.

Of course there’s still a place in my book for more sophisticated humor; I’ve also eagerly awaited the second season of Kaguya-sama: Love is War, and it’s already living up to its high standards. But dammit, sometimes you just want to see a lethally stupid snake demon girl be an absolutely terrible person, and then see someone beat the stuffing out of her for it. The process then repeats itself, because she never, ever learns. Karma may not catch up with the right people in the real world, but at least it still exists in fantasy.

– BHS

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BHS Blogress Report: 2020, Week 14 – Back in the Saddle

Week 14 – Back in the Saddle

After a long, long period of inactivity, I finally got a new chapter of Shattered Skies out this week. It took a lot of extra effort to get back into my groove, but I think it was absolutely worth it. I’m especially proud of how Erika’s rehab scene turned out, as I’ve had that one in mind for ages now. There was a specific goal in mind there: to show that even with the presence of magic and super-advanced tech, there isn’t an instant fix for Erika’s leg. Oh sure, I could come up with some justification for her adjusting instantly to her prosthetic. If I felt like it, I could probably even find a way to restore her lost leg, no prosthetic required. But doing that would feel cheap and disrespectful. The whole point was to show her struggling in a realistic way, because people who lose their limbs for real don’t get magic fixes either. To that end, I did serious research into prosthetic rehab and physical therapy before writing the scene, and I hope that shows.

So now I’m in the process of planning out the next few chapters. It may surprise some of you to hear this, but unlike with Tasakeru, Stars Above, and most of my other long-term plots, Shattered Skies has largely been written by the seat of my pants. I use a variation of my usual plotting technique, by which I work backwards in reverse chronological order from my intended end point. Here’s a rough idea of how it works: the thing that needs to happen to progress the plot at the end of the scene/chapter/act/story is Point Z. I can only get to Point Z from Point Y. And what needs to happen to get to Point Y? Well, to answer that, I have to go from Point X… and so on and so on, back through the chain of events until I’m at Point A.

By doing it this way, I can have a rough goal in mind to work towards, but I can also leave myself enough flexibility to change my mind about plot points if I deem it necessary. So I have some very specific ideas about what to do for the eventual end of Shattered Skies, but exactly how I’m getting there is still up in the air.

Anyway, there’s your (hopefully) fascinating little peek into my creative process. I’ll be back with more next week.

– BHS

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Tasakeru, tasakeru.com, and all related contents, text, and media are the Intellectual Property (IP) of BHS and BHS Productions, registered in 2009, and may not be modified, reproduced, or changed in any way, shape, or form without the author's express permission. For more information on usage rights, see the From the Author page.

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