Week 4 – I Breathe Again
I’m not going to go on and on about it, because everybody else is already doing or has done their takes on Inauguration Day. Suffice to say, I feel immensely more at ease since Wednesday. In fact, I feel more like myself, more normal than I have in years.
I attribute part of my recovery to my decision to watch the Les Misérables movie again… I had been meaning to save it until I felt secure again, as a release for all my pent-up emotions. In that regard, it worked like a charm: I had myself several good cries, which was exactly what I was hoping for.
See, I had been worried, because sometime around spring of last year, after months upon months of anxiety and upheaval, I just started to go numb from it all. I still felt sad, but in this awful, dead-inside way. I knew it wasn’t normal, being as emotional a person as I normally am. The longer that feeling lasted, the more scared I got. I started worrying if I had just… broken, under all the stress I was going through.
So I saved Les Mis for post-Inauguration, because I legitimately didn’t know if I’d be able to handle seeing it again it beforehand. Anybody who knows the story knows that it’s not a happy one; the title does translate to “The Suffering Ones”, after all. What elevates it above other stories and other musicals, though, is its message of hope at the end, after all the heartbreak and bloodshed. Yes, the rebellion failed and the students who tried to overthrow the corrupt government didn’t last the night, but they paved the way for those who came after them and did succeed. It wasn’t all for nothing in the end, and that makes all the difference.
After the trauma of the last few years, being able to let go and cry it out and feel hopeful again was… cleansing. My emotions weren’t irreparably broken after all. I made it through the storm, and I’m on the other side of it now. It still remains to be seen where I go from here, but I’m finding myself smiling a lot more often… it’s a start. One step at a time.
– BHS
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