BHS Blogress Report: 2020, Week 39 – FFS

Week 39 – FFS

For what it’s worth, I try to be good to people whenever I can. I try to see the best in people and treat them with respect. When it’s someone I know well and they’re acting badly, I try to give them the benefit of the doubt and understand the reasons for their behavior. In that case, I’ll do my level best to attempt to help them and to solve the problem.

I’m not perfect, because nobody is, but I try my hardest to be decent, and I seldom hold onto grudges.

Unfortunately, the same can’t be said of some of the people who know me.

Normally I loathe to vagueblog or do callout posts, but in this case, I think it’s warranted.

There’s a certain person online whom I used to interact with, primarily through DA. At one point in time, this person and I were able to talk to each other in a civil manner. Then this person got into an argument with me over one particular subject, and refused to let it go. It wasn’t a life-or-death subject, either… no, this was something as simple as a difference of opinion about classifications of genre fiction. And yet our back-and-forth went on… and on… and on.

At least half a dozen times, I told them that we were going in circles, repeating the same points ad nauseam and getting nowhere, but they wouldn’t listen. I did my best to remain calm, even as they grew more and more and more heated. I told them nicely that I wasn’t interested in debating the issue anymore, but they kept bringing it up over and over, leaving multi-paragraph rants on my public pages even after I asked them to stop.

I want to make it clear that this went on for well over a year, probably close to two years, and yet I resisted the temptation to get angry with them. I feel that I exhausted every possible method of resolving the situation peacefully… and yet every month or so, this person would come back to try to stoke the fire again.

Eventually, I found out that this person had been saying things about me in various places, things that were both untrue and extremely unkind. I went to them in private and politely told them that if they didn’t stop, I would have to ban them from my page. In response, they insulted me and attempted once again to instigate the argument… and so I banned them.

This was two years ago. I’ve had no contact with them since.

Recently, three separate people, all independent of each other, have informed me that this person is still badmouthing me, and still apparently ranting to anyone who will listen about how I and others have done them wrong. Normally, I don’t think too much of what’s said about me online… I figure my audience is small enough that not many people pay enough attention to me to have beef with me. But if said beef is widespread enough that all these people are warning me about it, something’s got to be done.

My friend, you’re probably not going to read this, but: this needs to stop. Now, if not sooner. I don’t hate you, I’m not angry with you, and I don’t want revenge against you, but if what I’ve heard about what you’re saying is accurate, you’re telling lies that are doing damage to my reputation. My online presence is pretty much the only presence I have left in the world, and I haven’t built myself up from nothing over twenty years just to have people like you tear me down over a pointless argument that’s gone on too long.

If people are going to hate me, I want them to hate me for legitimate reasons: things I actually say and actually do and actually believe, not made-up bullshit. Let them judge me on truth, not secondhand vitriol.

I don’t want to do this. Believe me, I’d be happier if I could just turn the other cheek and ignore it. However, I’m convinced that I need to attempt to take control of the situation before it gets even uglier. Three-plus years is quite long enough.

-BHS

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Aside

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: BHS Blogress Report: 2020, August – Same Old Story | Tasakeru
  2. Emily
    Sep 28, 2020 @ 15:18:44

    Geez that sounds bad. I think your a great person and I love shattered skies. That person should stop because what they are doing isn’t right.

    Like

    Reply

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