BHS Blogress Report: 2018, Week 45 – Staying Angry

Week 45 – Staying Angry

It may come as a surprise to some of you, seeing as I make a name for myself putting characters I love through the wringer, but in real life, I actually hate conflict. I’ve gotten myself into numerous very bad situations over the years because when conflict is happening or seems imminent, I almost always back down in an effort to resolve it as quickly as possible. I get incredibly uncomfortable if I’m in the same room with people having a heated argument, for example. Anger and frustration, even righteous anger and frustration, exhaust me like little else does.
So when I say that in certain circumstances, it’s critical to stay angry, I want you, the reader, to fully understand how significant it is. This is one of those times. No matter what happens tomorrow, we need to stay angry until the greedy, xenophobic fascists who have hijacked this country are brought to justice one and all.
That said, staying angry takes a hell of a toll. I’ve been on a self-imposed exile from the news for the past week-plus, because the constant outrages of the headlines were pushing me toward a breakdown. Raise hell, by all means, but if it starts to adversely affect your health, physical or mental… step back. You can’t fight if you destroy yourself to do it.
Self-destruction is something I’m intimately familiar with. I said last week that Chapter 5 of Twilight’s Dreaming came from a really personal place, and reading it should make it obvious what I meant by that. All my characters are little pieces of me, and I’m telling you here and now that I’ve been both Hanami and Zero in this chapter. Depression is terrifying in a way that people who don’t suffer from it just can’t understand… when you’re on the brink and staring into the abyss, it warps your very perception of reality. I’m attempting to channel that fear into my work, and I hope I’m succeeding, but… well.
Anyway. I’m making progress on both Shattered Skies Chapter 39 and Uravity Falls Chapter 3. Tomorrow, after I get hope from voting, I’m going to cut myself off from reality for the day, and pour all my energy into getting stuff done. I can try getting angry again the day after that, but for my own sake, I need one more day of respite.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: BHS Blogress Report: 2018, Week 44 – Close to Home | Tasakeru
  2. Trackback: BHS Blogress Report: 2018, Week 46 – A Little Bit of Light | Tasakeru

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